For those following along, today is worse than Monday. Why is there no drop-your-child-off-for-a-couple-hours-so-you-can-get-away-before-you-go-crazy-and-do-something-you-regret childcare out there? Not ongoing daycare. Not a babysitter I don’t have on call anymore and wouldn’t be available on such short notice. Not one of those date-night events that only happen once a month, in the evening, and are only for 5+ year-olds.<\/p>\n
I’m not going to call Andrew at work and tell him to come home early, because I’d just feel dumb as soon as he answered the phone.<\/p>\n
I’m not going to beg any mom friends to take him because I haven’t had any opportunities to repay\/pay ahead the favor and I don’t want to be in karmic debt.<\/p>\n
We’re just going to walk to the grocery store and pretend everything is okay, when it’s not.<\/p>\n
Full disclosure: We’re on hour 7 of not going back to sleep\/napping after a 5:40am wake-up. When he woke up AGAIN<\/em><\/strong> after (I lost count of how many attempts we were at) I nursed him to sleep and tried to transfer him to the crib, I threw<\/em> him back down in the crib and screamed at him to lay down and go to sleep.<\/p>\n I don’t have words right to properly describe physically throwing my baby, even onto a soft surface, or how he screamed hard in response and then got completely quiet. Words are too gentle. His quietness scared me more than his screaming and when I went back he was just sitting there, looking back at me. I took him back to the bed and cried and he laughed at me crying, having no idea his mom is going crazy. <\/p>\n He still hasn’t slept.<\/p>\n I still haven’t gotten that night off I was promised a year ago when he was allowed to have a bottle and Andrew could have night duty once in a while.<\/p>\n My appointment with the psychiatrist is next Wednesday.<\/p>\n I guess I finally went and got interesting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For those following along, today is worse than Monday. Why is there no drop-your-child-off-for-a-couple-hours-so-you-can-get-away-before-you-go-crazy-and-do-something-you-regret childcare out there? Not ongoing daycare. Not a babysitter I don’t have on call anymore and wouldn’t be available on such short notice. Not one of … Continue reading
\n
\n