{"id":910,"date":"2014-11-05T23:50:35","date_gmt":"2014-11-05T23:50:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/?p=910"},"modified":"2014-11-06T08:11:16","modified_gmt":"2014-11-06T08:11:16","slug":"910","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/?p=910","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

I see the phrase “worst mom ever” a lot around the baby forum, usually in relation to a baby falling off something and hurting themselves. It’s prevalence comes off as obligatory, a strange kind of almost humble-brag in my opinion, broadcasting the necessary amount of mommy-guilt to keep from being jumped on by the internet as a whole. It makes me feel a little weird that I don’t feel that way because there’s a mental list in my head of ways Cameron will<\/em> hurt himself throughout his childhood.<\/p>\n

Checked off crawling off the bed and doing a face plant off the couch in the same week.<\/p>\n

He didn’t fall off any furniture this week but I’ve become the worst mom ever.<\/p>\n

I yelled at my one year-old when he wouldn’t stop grabbing my hair while I was practicing back-carry in the Ergo in front of the mirror, and finally had to put him down in a huff and walk out. (As much of a huff as having to untangle him from the carrier straps first would allow.) Luckily he just saw that as playtime, and when I went back to check on him he had found the new box of Kleenix and pulled the entire thing out all the floor.<\/p>\n

After two failed attempts to transfer him to the crib for a nap, going from completely asleep in my arms to standing up screaming each time I lay him down and<\/em> he screamed some more when I gave up and brought him to the living room, I put him back in the crib and left him standing there screaming while I walked away.<\/p>\n

I told him repeatedly to go play with his toys while I was trying to load the dishwasher, getting more annoyed each time I had to physically move him away, until he grabbed a knife out of the silverware basket. I grabbed it back from his hands, grabbed him by the arms and carried him that way to the living room, where I tried to lock him in with the baby gate except that the posts were tightened too tight for me to loosen and adjust into a cage (making that reaction fall as flat as my earlier huff.)<\/p>\n

I held him down more forcefully than I am comfortable with during a diaper change when he wanted to lunge at the sink and turn on the water, again and again and again…<\/p>\n

I was getting him ready for bed early because I didn’t know what else to do with him after all of this, and that also felt like a punishment even though I didn’t mean it to be.<\/p>\n

I scared myself with how quickly my reactions escalated that day. If I yell at my one year-old for being a one year-old what happens when my future two year-old starts acting like a two year-old? How far is a forceful holding down or dragging away from actually hitting my child in anger?<\/p>\n

I made a post on Facebook about being ready for toddlerhood to be over, and then regretted it. I tend to post things humorously in a ‘be amused at my misery with me’ kind of way, and I don’t know how to change that to read, ‘No really, I’m completely falling apart over here…’<\/p>\n

\n

The next day I felt the calm after the storm which tends to happen after my breakdowns.<\/p>\n

I also decided very rationally that it’s time to go back on my meds.<\/p>\n

\n

It’s the day after that and I’m not sure where I stand right now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I see the phrase “worst mom ever” a lot around the baby forum, usually in relation to a baby falling off something and hurting themselves. It’s prevalence comes off as obligatory, a strange kind of almost humble-brag in my opinion, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/910","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=910"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/910\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":922,"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/910\/revisions\/922"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=910"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=910"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whimsicallycrazy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=910"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}